White men dating black men
I wish I could say that I’m surprised and appalled by the ignorance that white men tend to show when they approach me, but I’ve come to expect it.While white men are not the only group to hold racial biases and stereotypes against black women, they tend to be the least informed on the racialized and gendered issues that black women endure.My friend likes black girls, but he doesn’t like them too dark!”Against my better judgment, I assumed that the wingman just wasn’t very good at his job and started talking to his friend anyway.Clearly I was first and foremost a black man to her… She probably wouldn’t have been having the conversation with a straight black guy either.As pick-up talk goes, it wasn’t even remotely promising. Maybe she wanted me to know that she had done well.(One can probably say the same thing about gay black men who date white men.) You’re rarely the first, and you probably won’t be the last. He said it probably has to do with the male emphasis on the physical.
(“Color blind,” by the way, is a pretty meaningless mental trait that actually applies to no-one.)I knew the woman I was talking to probably never would have been having this conversation with a white person.
This is not a game to us, nor is it something we can ignore.
Our race and gender affects the way we carry ourselves, and this uncomfortable mindfulness is something that white men simply cannot relate to.
And her high praise included black women — that underdog demo that, Beyoncé aside, is often overlooked by whites with a down-with-blacks sexual agenda. I can’t recall ever previously having had a conversation with a white woman who dates black men about dating black men.
The men are just hotter.” She sounded almost apologetic, which meant she’d spent some time thinking not only about her proclivity for black people but also about how it must come across to them.
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While it may be hard for two people from widely different intersections of race and gender to understand each other, it’s not impossible once the more privileged party (in this case, the white guy) is able to recognize their shortcomings and how the intersections of race and gender affect every aspect of a black woman’s life.