Help with dating single dad

I get lost in my own plans to ensure that I get whatever it is I think I need and become convinced that there must be some “answer” that I just haven’t found yet. There’s no plan, no specific actions that I can take that will ensure the success of this relationship (or, incidentally, cause its demise).

Either his kids will come around or they won’t, and either my boyfriend and I will be able to move through all of it together or we won’t.

When I am my better self and I see that look in his eyes, I give him a kiss, tell him I love him, and go on my way.

(I am not always my better self.) If he was the kind of man who would put his girlfriend before his kids, you wouldn’t want him.

By Jan Ellison I met my husband in college, but our romantic involvement was limited to a secret crush and a half-remembered kiss in the dorm bathroom.

We didn’t date until years later, when I was 26, and we ran into each other at a party in San Francisco. He spent time in the pool with my young cousins and my little sister, throwing them into the air and playing endless games of Marco Polo.

You’re entitled to your feelings about that, and you get some space to make it about you, too, because some of it is.

He wasn’t the kind of man to rush into wild romantic gestures and proclamations.

While it’s true that his kids wouldn’t like anyone with their father, it isn’t anyone—it’s you.

You are the woman who’s actually there, feeling resented, in the way, and often tossed aside for more important things.

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You’re jealous of the time he spends with his kids—that he has these intimate relationships of which you are not a part. A friend once told me something that changed my perspective: When she was young, her father’s girlfriend reinforced the fear that she was going to lose her father.

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